Thank You, Time

Time has not taken from me.

It has given.

Years unfolding, less to prove,

more to understand.

I have learned to loosen the grip

of others’ expectations,

to breathe a little easier

as myself.

There are still moments that sting—

when I measure my reflection

against the world’s designs.

But there is another truth

growing beside that pain:

I am loved as I am.

In laughter with friends,

in quiet moments with myself,

in the unseen presence

that holds me steady.

So I choose

not to meet the world’s measure,

but to create my own.

To move with grace.

To learn with time.

To become without rushing the bloom.

Thank you,

to the years that shape me.

To the feelings that prove I’m alive.

To this day— given, not promised.

Tonight, I begin again.

Thank you, time, my friend.

[Expanded Thoughts Below]

God willing, I will live twice as long that I have already. We'll see where medicine gets us. I say this because I am evolving. Getting older means having the ability to change. More experiences to hone myself to. I've learned about letting go of others expectations. In my 30's, I stopped caring about what others thought of me, for the most part at least.

It still hurts knowing that I will never be as pretty as others are. It hurts knowing that I will never be loved as others are and have been. However, those are just in the ways that are traditional. In the ways that are superficial.

It's a blessing that I am loved as I am by my friends. It's a blessing to have the love of the world to look forward to, to have the love of nature, the love and the connections of the invisible touch of the Most High. There is beauty in perspective. While I can absolutely say I am pleased with who I am when I have no concern of others' perceptions, it does hurt when I measure myself with the world's expectations.

If I cannot change the world's expectations, then I can change my own expectations for me. Right now, I am trying to do that. Right now, I am working to establish my own boundaries, my own values. Right now, I am learning of myself, and that takes time, and that takes grace. And perhaps this is something that should have started 20 years ago, but I am grateful that it is starting now when I know that I only truly have me, myself, and I. I also have a series of friends who accept me as I am. As much as I feel on my own, I am not and they are a part of the reason why.

I want to thank the aging process. I want to be grateful for this day the Lord has made, where I rejoice and am glad in it. I want to be grateful for these experiences, for the highs and the lows, and for the fact that it proves I am alive, and I have been given this gift to feel all the feelings that come with it. Yes, sometimes it hurts. Sometimes it is remarkably beautiful and absolutely wondrous though.

I want to chase that which makes me feel whole, welcomed, included and embraced in the most platonic way. I am grateful to have spent time with a friend tonight, for them to say what they did, and for me to finally see that I cannot meet other people's measurements. I can absolutely measure myself against my own priorities and expectations though. Maybe tonight I'll start just that.