Thank You, Stranger

 

Art by E, age 5

“Space to Breathe”

Over the last few days,

I found my original Discord account again.

Old servers. Old memories.

Old versions of myself.

I cleaned through many of them,

something I rarely do.

It felt strange,

like walking through rooms I once lived in

before quietly turning the lights off.

Some of those memories still ache.

There was once a friend

who taught me something important:

that love between people

does not always have to become romance.

That it is possible

to care deeply for someone,

to cherish them fully,

without possession,

without expectation,

without becoming “more.”

I still carry gratitude for that lesson.

And now,

as I step into new spaces again,

I realize how much fear still lingers in me.

Fear of being too much.

Too excited.

Too awkward.

Too different.

Fear that if I speak too quickly,

ask the wrong question,

or show too much enthusiasm,

I will no longer be welcome.

And perhaps what makes it harder

is knowing that sometimes

I do not only feel seen as myself.

Sometimes I feel like

I am being measured

as a reflection of others like me too.

That is difficult to explain to people

who have never carried that feeling.

But it is real.

Still…

despite all of that,

there were people who showed kindness.

People who answered gently.

People who welcomed openly.

People who made space instead of closing it.

And I want to thank them.

Not because they solved everything.

Not because the fear disappeared instantly.

But because kindness matters.

Presence matters.

Grace matters.

Sometimes the greatest gift

is simply allowing another person

room to breathe while they learn

that they are safe to exist as themselves.

So thank you

to those who choose openness.

Thank you to those who lead with kindness.

And thank you to those who understand

that support does not always require fixing someone—

sometimes it simply means standing nearby

while they slowly learn to feel welcome. 🌬️

[Expanded Thoughts Below]

​So a lot has happened. Over the last couple days, I found my original Discord account, went through and purged a lot of servers. It's something I rarely do, but I figured that that one can be my personal one to focus on gaming. I've had it since the beginning of 2025, so I do really like it. That's also a Discord that I used when I had a very good friend, and the whole situation is still rough and sad.

Long story short, I had a good friend that helped show me that not all love has to be romantic when it's between two people of the opposite genders. Like, you can love somebody and it just literally be platonic. I know that part of the reason was because, you know, I was looking for a person, but we were spending all the time together. I wanted to find someone, but my whole focus was on time with him. I know things could have been different had I just stayed content and not tried to find Mr Right. They absolutely could have, but it is what it is. It happened as it did, and I am me because of it. I'm still a bit somber regarding that situation, but I really do need to focus on the fact that I have friends that actually care about me, that want to see me succeed and move forward.

Still, I am always wary that I won't be welcomed as I am in new groups if I am my entire self. Like, right now there is that LARPing group that I hope to get involved in. I remember I was super excited and happy and whatnot, until a person with my favorite name arrived. I welcomed him happily and hyperly, but he seemed put off by how I responded. I semi-apologized if I made him uncomfortable and stated that I would rein it in. He said that wasn't the case, but with me being new and not wanting to cause trouble, I felt it best I back off.

I'm weary about the community because I don't want to come off as too pushy or too dumb or too stupid. While that situation didn't make me sad, what happened after I posted a question in the questions area did. All I did was post a question, and I can't help but feel bad because I didn't look it up for it myself. I feel like I should have, and that people are gonna think bad of me because I didn't take the time to just scour through everything to find the answer myself. I just don't wanna look bad because there aren't many who look like me involved I think, and I don't want to mess up everything for others like me. It's just really frustrating because I wanna join in a lot of things that excite me because they look so fun, but I could actually never be a part of it before. Now that I potentially have the chance, I don't know how to channel any of it. This community I found seems like it's a community that I might be able to really be a part of, but I'm still pretty concerned with what other people think of me as a reflection of othrs like me. It's frustrating because I know a whole bunch of people are like, "oh my God, it's not about race. Stop talking about race," but it's my lived experience and I don't understand why they can't see: It's not about them, it's about me. I have to consistently work through this, and it's going to take people who are supportive and who are caring. To get through it, I'm just gonna take it consistently showing up because it's not just about my mental state. It's about the proofs and receipts.

There have been at least two people who have been very, very, very helpful in that space. Many who seem very kind and very open as well. I know there's a whole bunch of people like that. It's just really hard being in a wonderful environment, but not letting myself get into it because I might not be welcome anymore because I might screw things up again like I did before. It's just hard. I'll be okay though.

Somber as this Bloom Note is, I want to thank those two people in that LARP space who are also new and welcoming and open. I would also like to thank anyone who is a true ally to others, knowing that the issue isn't theirs, and that they don't have to fix or be anything but present. Thank you for allowing people like me grace and space to just breathe.