And that is enough.
Thank you again. Um, there's lots of stuff that I want to talk about.
One being a person I met sitting outside the opposite apartment complex who is there to visit a friend, an elderly friend who he just wanted to pick groceries up for and help. That's nice. The story was very different from mine, but very common to people who look like us, at least such as what I believe. I won't know because I don't know everyone who looks like us.
I am once again cautious because I do not want to be contained. I am light. I resonate light. I see the best in others, and I believe most people mean well, but I also know that I do not share romantic notions, not at this time, especially with people I don't know. So it's interesting to see if my hesitancy will stop me from being that light or from trying to help connect another person to other resources. I don't know what may happen exactly. I do hope that this is a passing moment. I do not know if this is a growing moment. I certainly do know that this is an important moment, and I pray that everything will work out.
I have a fear of being stagnant, or perhaps I just am my mother's daughter. She had a friend, a male friend, who was just a friend, as far as I'm aware. And that proved friendship can be found across genders. It does not have to resort to being something that is more. I want to create with others, to produce and create, but it is not physical flesh that I want to create. I want to create a better world. I want to meld, I want to combine minds. I want to be able to see worlds and understand where people can be coming from. We're so far separated, and his world was so different from mine. I cannot conceive what life is like for some people, and it always comes back to the fact that I am blessed.
My life has been blessed. God has blessed me, and I don't take that lightly. It hurts knowing that I might not be able to resonate with most people, because I don't have the experiences that most people might have. But I absolutely can and will and want to inspire those people who have a light, those people who have, they're just seeing shadows. I want to encourage those people who want to share, who want to lead. I want to encourage those people who want to see a "better" world and those people who will make it happen. I want to make a better world for the parents of children. I want to make a better world for the children we all are. And the only way that I can do that is by interacting with....
(...nature? with myself? with my inner child?)
...by going back and looking at all the things that I created and knowing that that is freaking awesome. I understand that not all interactions can be forced. I understand that not everybody wants to be connected with. I understand that some people just want to be left alone, and I understand that some words are triggering. I do not have the answers for every single one of them. And sure, there are ways I could spend time learning and growing and studying, but I am working full-time. I am trying to take care of my mind. I am struggling to get a basic routine just for myself so that I can stay on top of my mental health. I can only do so much. I am only human. I am only a part of this amazing puzzle that we are a part of.
But if I can help another person, one person, then it's worth it. I do not need to be validated, but it sure is nice. But it is not a need. I need to trust myself. I need to be myself. And I need to believe in myself. I need to believe in myself as much as I believe in you.
Thank you, Darius, for spending time talking to a stranger. Thank you for sharing your story. It is etched in my heart. It will reside in my mind. I will make space for you. It is written. More than that, it existed. We existed. And I pray things go well moving forward. Friend to friend.
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